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Mike (Clodaus)
Founder, Director, Forum Administrator
Joined: 20 Oct 2005
Points: ---
Posts: 3291
Location: United States
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 Penis Raise
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Something I came by that I'm sure everyone will enjoy.
| The Penis wrote: |
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
* I do physical labour
* I work at great depths
* I am always using my head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases |
| Human Resources wrote: |
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the management team
* You do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as wearing the correct protective outfits
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your assigned position before you have completed your work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags! |
Also, some reasons not to be a penis:
- You're bald your whole life
- You have a hole in your head
- Your neighbors are nuts
- The guy behind you is an ass hole
- Every time you get excited you throw up and faint
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 Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:04 pm
_________________
If a theory doesn't raise an eyebrow, then it's not a theory.
The content of my posts may not reflect my personal beliefs.
"...Put it inside them; men and women will never think of looking for it there..." ~The Secret of Life
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Zakarin
Member
Joined: 15 Jan 2007
Points: 11
Posts: 13
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 very clever. One of the best I've ever heard or read.
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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 8:20 pm
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Sophia
Member
Joined: 14 Jan 2006
Points: 215
Posts: 567
Location: Canada
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hahahahaha very funny
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Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:33 pm
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JujuBe
Member
Joined: 21 Jan 2006
Points: 340
Posts: 616
Race: Nether
Location: United States
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LMAO!!!!!!!!!
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Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 5:06 am
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...and you thought you were strange...
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dday
Member
Joined: 26 Jul 2007
Points: 0
Posts: 2
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also your owner beats u and ur best friends a pussy...
lol
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Posted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 5:09 pm
_________________
anything anyone wants to teach me ill ty my best to learn
AIM:nofilm4mymemory
YIM:d_da_y
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Luinbariel
Member
Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Points: 4,204
Posts: 4711
Race: I dunno, lol
Location: Canada
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Heh... I think I remember this from somewhere before, it's really awesome!
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Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2007 6:11 am
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Shira
Member
Joined: 15 Jun 2007
Points: 2,415
Posts: 697
Race: Polymorphic Nymph
Location: Canada
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noice
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Posted: Sun Jul 29, 2007 8:26 am
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Silandria
Member
Joined: 17 Aug 2008
Points: 143
Posts: 165
Race: unknown
Location: United States
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*laughs hysterically*
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Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:56 pm
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Tsukikage
Forum Administrator
Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Points: 1,421
Posts: 1347
Location: United States
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*dies* That's terrible... but freaking hilarious... xD Nice.
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Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 3:15 pm
_________________ 
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Sam
Member
Joined: 16 Feb 2009
Points: 306
Posts: 81
Race: Therian
Location: Australia
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Oh, good god.
Stop making me laugh at collage, the people next to me are giving me odd looks.
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Posted: Mon Feb 16, 2009 10:21 am
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kront
Member
Joined: 31 Jan 2009
Points: 26
Posts: 20
Race: Human
Location: Canada
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another reason not to be a penis: whenever you go "cave exploring"  you sometimes have to wear a "rubber jacket" and when you "throw up" you get it allover yourself and your "barf" is a bitch to clean up.....and you always forget your flashlight
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Posted: Wed May 20, 2009 8:21 pm
_________________
if war is you're game, slide me the dice!
I know my spelling is abysmal so, please correct me!
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sadstoryteller
Member
Joined: 26 Oct 2008
Points: 52
Posts: 320
Race: Dragon
Location: United States
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kront
Member
Joined: 31 Jan 2009
Points: 26
Posts: 20
Race: Human
Location: Canada
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you find that oftentimes you get stiff.
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Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 4:43 pm
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if war is you're game, slide me the dice!
I know my spelling is abysmal so, please correct me!
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Raistlin
Member
Joined: 29 Apr 2009
Points: 22
Posts: 219
Race: Wolf Therain
Location: United States
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA
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Posted: Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:50 pm
_________________
Love blinds an overly willing heart - Nanara
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