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Luinbariel
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 What does it feel like for you?
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I have recently been thinking on empathy, and wondering what it feels like. Is it like you are awash in the emotions of someone else, or is it just a sort of knowledge of the other person's feelings?
I wonder also if it is the same for anyone who is an empath, or does it vary as much as everything else?
I seem to recall reading something about this before, in a sort of article, but I wonder how individuals experience it, and if its possible to describe it in a way that works for you.
I simply wonder in context of myself, because lately, in situations where I'm dealing with others, it's like I look at them, and just know, like I know a fact from a textbook or something, how they feel. This isn't to say that I'm always right about it, or what have you, but that it's usually pretty close. What I want to focus on more, though, is the way I feel or understand it.
It's just a thing that's in my mind. It's like I read a textbook about this person, and there was a section on their emotions, and I'm pulling the fact I recently read from it for use in the situation. It's "just knowing", I suppose.
And so, I stop rambling, and see what becomes of this thread!
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 Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 7:51 pm
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Talissa
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How does empathy work for me? Its very strange.
First there is the day to day living with it. Imagine a radio station JUST barely low enough for you to ear it but not listen to it. Now, imagine 1 radio per individual within a certain range. That range for me is HUGE, probably greater then an arena's worth. (I haven't measured it as its very difficult since I can make contact with someone overseas just by thinking about them).
as for interpreting it, its also something that took me a lot of time in my childhood. Everything comes to me in emotions. Not a word, not a clear thought, emotions. And I had to learn to interpret those and put them back into words.
A good analogy would be 2 phones. You talk into the phone, its translated into digital signals (nowadays) or pulses (old rotary phones) and sent through an electrical channel (cable). The other phone picks it up and translates it back into voice. BUT, the difference being that you have to be the one interpreting it back into clear thoughts. Most of the times now its easy but sometimes I encounter a being who's emotions are more messed up or chaotic and then its a bit harder.
Does this all make sense? I hope so 
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Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:04 pm
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Luinbariel
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I believe it does, yes.
I'm glad to see other people's opinions on this subject, and will try to learn all I can from them. I'm curious if I'm actually employing empathy, or if it's something else all together. I have no idea just yet, or course, but we shall see as time goes on!
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Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:11 pm
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Talissa
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There are some small tests you can do, when for example you feel in advance that someone is gonna react in some way to your passage, you pass and they do it.
Or someone comes to you and you know what he/she is gonna say to you.
stuff like that. At first its difficult interpreting the emotions but eventually it becomes second nature.
How long it takes probably depends on each individual I guess.
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Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:34 pm
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Luinbariel
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This stuff already happens, it seems.
When I am talking with someone, it seems I am always finding their words, finishing their sentences, knowing what they are going to say and what they are getting at, even as they struggle to word it themselves.
As for people's reactions, that's a favorite game of mine, as well. I just see someone come into an area where, say, I am lounging with a friend. A combination of body language and just... knowing is usually what I get. I don't know how to describe it for myself, other than just knowing.
I have an example of this, from a few years ago when I still lived at home. I was shopping with my mom at Superstore, and another woman was looking at the same line of stuff we were. I just took one look at her, and went to my mom "This woman is a total *****".
My mom just looked at me, and was like "how do you know?"
I couldn't tell her, I just saw it in her, somehow. It was just in the way she did everything to me, just... THERE. Like she was wearing a perfume that only I could smell, or something. We continued on our way, and forgot about it.
Later, as we were taking our groceries to our car, my mom had to go back because she forgot to pick up the pictures from being developed. I waited behind in the car. It was hot, so I opened the window, and then the door, just sort of waiting in the parking lot for her to come back.
Suddenly, somewhere nearby, I heard a woman just absolutely flipping out on someone. I could even make out what she was saying, to my surprise, as I found she was inside a car in the next row, a few cars down. She was screaming, absolutely SCREAMING at her husband, with her three young children in the backseat. It was the woman from the store, the one I had pointed out to my mom. She was screaming and tearing into him so bad about how he was so worthless, etc, that others in the parking lot stopped and were staring.
My mom came back, hear the ruckus, and I just had to say "I told you so."
I've forever used this as an example, and this sort of thing continues to happen. This is why, mainly, I wonder about how others feel it. I didn't feel her emotions, or how she was. I just knew. Do others just feel, etc?
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Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 8:44 pm
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Talissa
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Nanara
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My experience of Empathy is very different, before I understood what was going on, I would feel other peoples emotions and hear their thoughts as if they were my own. If I was around an angry person, I would be angry, if I was around someone in pain, I'd feel their pain as my own (both emotional pain and physical pain). This got so bad that it contributed to a situation where I was nearly diagnosed as full blown Bipolar and put on heavy medication (it wasn't the only thing that contributed to it but it was a big part of it).
At some point I realised that the emotions I was feeling were not my own, and slowly learnt how to shield and to filter. But even now after many years of training if I don't focus to control it I physically feel other peoples emotions and physical conditions. Which is one big reason for why I live alone, just to get a break from it all.
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Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 9:50 pm
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Luinbariel
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That seems to be the more common theme for empathy that I've run into.
Hmm, I can say that I'm glad this isn't what I'm experiencing, though I have to wonder how much attention I've paid to these situations in the past. All I can remember is pretty much in passing on the situation. I guess I'll have to pay closer attention, now, and see what I can do, if anything.
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Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 9:59 pm
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Clodaus
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Empathy is perhaps my strongest ability; I feel the actual emotions. However it's not that simple - it often gets complicated and confusing. There's a number of methods I use with empathy. One is to interpret and feel the emotions or pain (pain is included with empathy) as they do. For example, if they're tolerant to pain, I may not feel the scratch. Similarly, if they're used to depression, I may not feel it. However, I rarely use that method. Generally I feel the emotions as they would be felt if the person was not accustomed to them. Deeper emotions, if you will.
Then it's separated into biological and true emotions - biological simply being chemicals in the human body, and "true" emotions being those separate from the physical body. But I covered that in the article so I won't go into it.
To sum it up - I both "know" their emotions without feeling it and literally feel it, depending on the situation. However knowing their emotions I generally attribute to psychology rather than empathy (for myself, it may be different for others). Hope that helps. But remember, it may be different for you.
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Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 10:41 pm
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Luinbariel
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Heh, I guess it would seem I'm not really feeling anything, after all, at least according to all this.
Well, such was the purpose of this thread, and back to the drawing board, as they say.
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Posted: Mon Apr 23, 2007 10:48 pm
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Clodaus
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Don't get discouraged due to what others' say - your experience may simply be different.
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Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 2:49 am
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Luinbariel
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True enough. Well, we'll see I suppose. I sort of feel that I do get emotions, just in a different way, but I really don't know. Only time will tell, as well as more close observation than previously.
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Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 3:37 am
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Nanara
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Luinbariel
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Heh, I guess so. There is one friend that perhaps I get all tied up in, when I'm in person, but she's the one who's had the hardest life out of the people I've known/met. She's having a REALLY hard time right now, and sometimes, when she comes to me with something, just talking about it and I'm pretty sure looking for inadvertent help, she's got such high hopes, but such a good pokerface.
I can feel it, know it means A LOT to her, but much of the time... I can't help. It's beyond my experience, or I can't come up with an answer, that sort of thing. I just don't know. I feel her let-down and it's mirrored in myself, hers for my not being able to help her, and mine for the same. That one hurts, I feel that one. All I can do is be there for her, and while that's good, it still isn't enough sometimes.
Argh my heart races just thinking about it.
Anywho, thanks again all, I am appreciative of the input received here.
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Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 4:51 pm
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Clodaus
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Well put, 'Ara 
| Luinbariel wrote: |
| All I can do is be there for her, and while that's good, it still isn't enough sometimes. |
I know how that feels. With Ashley (my wife, fiancé in this life), I feel lost when I know there's something wrong but I can't fix it. Unfortunately, there's just some things people have to handle themselves. I wish I could just put a band-aid on it and make it better - emotions are difficult that way.
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Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 5:02 pm
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If a theory doesn't raise an eyebrow, then it's not a theory.
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"...Put it inside them; men and women will never think of looking for it there..." ~The Secret of Life
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